How much sex are we really having?

Sex! We’re all at it like rabbits aren’t we? There’s candles dotted around the bedroom, perfectly chilled Prosecco in our hands and we’re both ready for a long night of hot passionate sex.  

Or not.

Let’s face it, we’ve got kids now. The days of steamy sex sessions are long gone and sex has unfortunately dropped to the lower end of the priority list. 

The truth is, we’re just bloody knackered. ALL the time. Instead of having sex, we’re on our phones doing the Sainsbury’s shop and booking swimming lessons for the kids. Sadly, sex these days tends to be a speedy affair – 10-minutes (if we’re lucky) whilst the kids are entertaining themselves downstairs with Peppa Pig on a Sunday morning. 

Every relationship is different; there are no set rules that work for every couple. The fact is that sex after kids is different. Whatever the state of your current sex life, talk to your friends and most importantly, talk to your partner to make sure you’re both happy. 

As mums, we’re used to oversharing; we talk about our scars, our stretch marks and our leaky boobs but we don’t tend to share much about our sex lives. Or lack of.

I can’t help but wonder, why don’t we talk about it? Sorry to go all Carrie Bradshaw on you.

Why is it that sex talk still feels a bit taboo? We need to open the conversation and be honest about how much sex we’re having rather to normalise it. Not sharing the reality is what makes sex taboo in the first place. 

Last week I asked you on Instagram stories to talk about sex and how having kids had affected your sex life and relationship. Here are the full results… 

How does your sex drive compare to your partner’s? 
58% said he definitely wants more than you do
23% said you’re about even
19% said you want it more than he does 

Do you like sex? 
40% said oooh yes!
40% quite like it
20% aren’t fussed 

Do you ever use any of these excuses to get out of having sex?
67% say you’re too tired
2% say the kids
7% say you have your period
24% don’t ever use an excuse

Do you have sex more or less since having children?
12% have more
83% have less
5% have sex about the same

Do you enjoy sex more or less after kids?
31% said sex has got better for you
32% enjoy sex less 
37% enjoy it about the same

Have you ever been caught at it by your kids?
16% have been caught
84% haven’t been seen by their kids

What time of day do you prefer to have sex?
16% like it in the morning
53% definitely prefer the evening
18% don’t have a preference 
13% do it whenever there’s a chance 

Did you have sex on your wedding night?
31% had sex – woohoo! 
52% were too tired or drunk and had sex the morning after
6% tried and failed
11% can’t remember! 

Which of these would you prefer? 
14% would prefer uninterrupted sex with your partner
74% would prefer a good nights sleep 
3% would prefer a box of chocolates 
9% would prefer catching up with friends

Do you think your friends are having more sex than you? 
49% think yes, they’re having more sex than you
39% think it’s about the same
12% think your friends are having less sex 

Did you have sex while you were pregnant? 
72% said hell yes!
28% said hell no!

Some women want sex more than usual when they’re pregnant. Did you find that?
26% were super horny
43% were about the same as normal
24% didn’t want sex at all
7% said your partners didn’t want sex

How long after birth did you wait to have sex?
1% waited less than a week
12% had sex within the first month
47% had sex within 6-12 weeks 
40% waited at least 3 months 

If you waited longer than 3 months, was it…?
47% waited between 3-5 months to have sex
31% waited between 5-8 months
13% waited between 8-12 months
8% waited over a year

How important is sex in maintaining a happy healthy relationship after kids?
7% think it’s the most important thing
78% think it’s just one factor
12% think it’s less important
3% don’t need sex to make them happy 

How often do you have sex?
12% have sex at least twice a week
35% have sex once a week
31% have sex once a month
22% have sex once every few months 

Would you like to have more orgasms?
66% said YES!
34% aren’t fussed

Does your post-baby body affect your confidence when you’re having sex?
14% said hell no!
16% don’t let your bodies bother you
50% feel self-conscious sometimes
20% don’t like your partner seeing you naked

The main thing to take away from these results is that if the fire in your sex life is dwindling a little, don’t sweat it. The majority of us are in the same boat.

Thank you to everyone who contributed. 95% of you enjoyed the sex chat last week.